December 17, 2008 by jalvilhiera.

In turbulent times like today we all respond to our changing situation with a certain amount of fear. Is this a bad thing? It certainly can be but it can also be helpful.
There is a basic formula that I and many other coaches use to demonstrate the impact of fear in a way that most people can relate well to. It is this:

T + F - A/IA = R

Thoughts plus Feelings Lead To Action or Inaction which equals Your Results

The gap between feelings and action or inaction is the fear gap. Recognizing this gap and using your own personal techniques to overcome it becomes the critical step in creating the results you desire.

The first step in harnessing fear as a positive force is recognizing that you are afraid. This can be a difficult task for many of us since we are conditioned by society to hide fear. We often develop very strong negative feelings around fear because of this. We mistakenly believe that if we allow ourselves to feel fear that we are weak or inferior to others. In actuality, nothing could be further from the truth. The truly courageous person is the one who can feel their fear, fully acknowledge its presence and take positive action in spite of being afraid. The renowned military commander Napolean Bonaparte I think said it best “He who fears being conquered is sure of defeat.” Unchecked fear leads to irrational actions or potentially worse, no action at all.

Paralysis or unconscious inaction so often accompanies unacknowledged fear. When we can not deal with the fearful feelings raised by our thoughts the fear gap grows. It is surprising how in a very short time the gap can seem insurmountable as your mind, operating in a state of unacknowledged fear, manufactures every conceivable reason why you can’t achieve a positive result. While you spend your time worrying, analyzing, pondering or discussing all the possible ramifications of each of the possibilities your mind has created, the opportunity for decisive action passes you by. While you have convinced yourself that you were taking positive steps by doing something (e.g. thinking, talking, and all the other ing words that describe pseudo action) what you are in reality doing is avoiding making any decision at all. I know that you have seen this scenario played out in your company and if you think hard enough you will find times when you have done it yourself. So the first step on the path to overcoming fear has been achieved. You recognize the pattern and now have it locked in your awareness so you can spot the behavior the next time you see or experience it.

So what do you do now? You are confronted with a situation and have recognized that you are afraid. You have acknowledged it but what do you do now to break its paralyzing grip. The most simple and also the most difficult solution is to face the fear head on. To do this we have to realize what is at the root of our fear….the unknown. We instinctively fear what we do not know. Once we understand it is truly only the unknown that is causing our fear we can take calculated steps to assuage our fear through knowing. I am not talking about predicting the future. Of course we can never truly know that the course of action we choose will have exactly our intended result. What I am talking about is this – if you’re afraid of the dark, turn on a light. You can learn enough about the situation to make a good decision, ask for help from people you trust, make something else more important than your fear or any other technique that has helped you break the grip of fear in the past. Yes you have done this at least once in your life even if you don’t remember it right now. Drawing on the strength you created in yourself during that previous crisis is probably most effective technique to help you through this troubling time. To help you identify your own experiences to draw on I’ll give you an experience from my life that I continue to draw on to this day.

When I was 17 I joined the Army. I was young, idealistic, and patriotic. I wanted more than anything to become an elite soldier for my country. I was given the opportunity to become a paratrooper. That is the first step in becoming a truly elite soldier. Without a moments hesitation I volunteered. The weeks of ground training were hard but I loved the challenge of it. Finally the day came to make my first jump. I was chuted up and loaded onto a plane with 120 of my classmates. False bravado and sheer naiveté was perceptible on everyone’s face. Some showed early signs of fear….sweating, nervous movement but the overall feeling seemed to be one of resolve. I was nervous but feeling confident all through our equipment checks. Then the moment came. The green light went on and I saw the first of my classmates hurl himself into space. My turn was coming. As I moved closer and closer to the door my confidence was fading. The noise from the wind howling at the door was deafening. All of a sudden I began to notice the exhaust of the aircraft engines inside the plane making my stomach sick. I could see the wide terrified eyes on the soldiers across from me as they neared the other paratroop door. My mind was racing. I questioned everything. Why was I doing this? Why was I risking my life? This is crazy. Normal people don’t do this. I couldn’t quiet my mind. Finally my turn in the door arrived. I stood on a small platform 1200 feet above the earth. The wind hitting my face at 130 knots as the plan flew over the drop zone. I had a second, no more than 2, to decide the future of my military career. I had to make a split second decision. What was more important to me….the relative safety of choosing not to jump and the end of my military career or taking the risk to become and elite soldier? In that moment it became clear that my ambition to become an elite soldier was more important to me than my fear and I through myself into the air.

I have used the feelings from this event countless times during my life when I encountered fear and self doubt. It has never failed to help me gain clarity and take action. Now when I feel fear its actually a bit comforting. It heightens my awareness and sharpens my focus. I use the power of the fear now to move forward instead of using it to avoid action. You can harness the productive force of fear as well.

As Don Miguel Ruiz, the Author of The Four Agreements, says:
“Death is not the biggest fear we have; our biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive — the risk to be alive and express what we really are.”

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September 13, 2007 by jalvilhiera.

I have often said that the level of success (or lack there of) that you achieve in life is equal to the sum total of the choices that you make. To me this has always meant that what I choose to do or choose not to do creates my results; while other people and circumstances may play an influential role only I am ultimately responsible. That single thought puts total control over my experience of life squarely in my hands. Truth be told though, that is a double edged sword. While it is very empowering knowing that only you create your life experience, all that responsibility can bring a certain amount of trepidation.

This is why I have found that this statement arouses so much emotion in people even though the logic behind it is tough to deny. For instance, someone who has just lost everything they own in a flood may say that it was a natural disaster and they can not control the weather. While both of those statements are true are they really the whole story? Shouldn’t the person have known that they were buying a home in a flood plain? Even if they didn’t know, does that absolve them of the responsibility for making an informed decision? Even people who are without a doubt victims of fraud, like investors who lost all of their retirement savings invested in Enron, can not claim they were not ultimately responsible for their loss. It was their choice to put all their retirement eggs in one basket. A practice that anyone who has put more than a dollar into the stock market has learned, sometimes the hard way, is at best risky and at worst potentially devastating. In both cases these people made emotional choices and found ways to rationalize for themselves what they probably knew deep down to be bad decisions. They did not take calculated risks, instead they chose to gamble and rationalize away their very normal feelings of doubt about what they had chosen.

Rationalization is the conversation that goes on inside our heads selling us on something we desire when our reason and intuition tells us we shouldn’t. Rationalizing robs us of our control and sets the stage for us to be the “victim” of some external force when the outcome of our choice is not what we expected. I won’t go in depth into rationalization here. It is a topic that warrants exploration all on its own. I could go on for pages about similar decisions I have seen otherwise intelligent people make like: buying a business without doing the appropriate due diligence, opting to continue to play a hazardous sport even after sustaining injuries that should have stopped them or buying the beautiful new car that they really can’t afford. In each case these decisions had negative and sometimes dire consequences. In most cases these people chose to blame others for their less than desirable results. They simply could not accept the thought that they had brought about the very situation they were in because of the choices they had made.

I encourage anyone who reads this to test this hypothesis for yourself. Pick any event in your life that did or didn’t turn out the way you desired. Create a timeline backward from the result. Look at every decision you made to take action or to choose inaction and explore the impact of each of those choices. If you are honest with yourself it will quickly become obvious to you how you created the result. Once you become fully aware of the linkage between your decisions and your results, you can change your future results by changing your actions.

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July 11, 2007 by jalvilhiera.

   I think this is an interesting question.  Are you aware of what your values are – the role they play in your life – how they filter the information you receive and color your thought processes – whether or not they serve you in reaching your goals?  Can you differentiate your core values or life drivers from the other less powerful values you have acquired over time?  Are you aware that your core values impact everything you do unconsciously……if you’re not aware of them?

   When was the last time you reflected on what is really important to you in life?  Wouldn’t it be great to wake up every morning with a sense of purpose – a connection to the big picture of your life – an understanding of how the little things you will do today fit into achieving your life’s purpose?  That kind of purposeful living stems from an understanding of your values and making a choice to live in congruence with them.  The true magic of values comes into play when you align your values with your skills and passions. When these three forces in your life combine, you can create whatever you desire.

How is the power of values working in your life – consciously or unconsciously?

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